Thursday, 8 October 2015

Speaking Fear # 2



Speaking Fear: Ambiguities and Specifics



Is this you? 

Do you find yourself panicking at your next public speaking deadline when you see it on your calendar or in an email?

Is your life a speech – a terribly bad one?

Are you a bona fide quivering wreck?

‘Speaking Fear.’ The name says it all.

Fear of public speaking often attaches itself to the category of performance anxiety where it hides snugly under the umbrella of social anxiety and never wants to come out.

This means that this type of performance anxiety can generalise, but its delivery can be debilitating, and often very specific.

In fact the impact this has on society as a whole was outlined in the results obtained from the U.S.
National Comorbidity Survey Replication, 2008, which stated:


'Public speaking fear is highly prevalent and manifests itself as a significant burden in society through lower educational achievement, occupational impairment, and increased health care utilization.'1


Internet statistics on the people who sufferer form this fear differ wildly and percentages appear incredibly high from a variety of part-credible and unsubstantiated sources, with the probability being that academics or independent professionals who purport these high figures are either removed from the day-to-day reality of working with these people or that they have some sort of vested interest at heart to inflate the said percentages.

Moreover, one can surmise that any fear is difficult to map mostly because:

'We are all different people with different histories, cultures and perceptions, living in different environments.'

For example, children in the U.S. are taught at an early age to stand up and speak in school. (No surprise there, as the mute American appears as rare as hen's teeth!)

Britain, in contrast, still has an underlying class belief pervading throughout its culture in which its children inadvertently learn not to stand up and 'make a fool of our self.'

In reality these small cultural differences from only two English speaking countries can make a great deal of difference or none at all.

With many of these statistical sources on the inter-web varying from an average as low as around 22% up to a popular 74%, it is funny that the 74% rule has become another of those urban myths much like Mehrabian's non-verbal communication theory of 55% (body language) 38% (tonality) and 7% (words).

One report, Social Phobia in the General Population, found that, ‘About 77% of the general population fears public speaking.’ Note the ambiguity surrounding the words ‘about’ and ‘general.’ Another study suggests that the fear is more prevalent in women, but I am inclined to ask, ‘which women, specifically?’My first-hand experience gathered from over ten years with a U.K. therapeutic setting has been quite different.

On the contrary most of my clients have been men: stressed-out managers, business executives, sports and performance professionals, chief executives and managing directors who have suddenly had to 'up' their game through some kind of promotion event, public performance, or increased demand for their presence or voice.



Stage Fright and Public Speaking Fear are two ruthless assassins which can stem from but is not limited to early childhood experiences. Some of these fears and anxieties may have evolved incrementally over time. Some painful memories can be linked to one or two specific past events. Some anxieties, we find, are not related to the past or any performance contexts at all.

In other cases it might be an anticipatory fear of the future that appears to have no root of origin. This is what baffles researchers because we are entering a very grey area: the unknown.

French writer Antoine Rivarolle was once quoted saying:
‘It is the dim haze of mystery that adds enchantment to pursuit.’For him and I, yes, but not for the many, or sometimes the few, and that’s because:
'We are all individuals living out separate realities through our own unique model of the world.'
Scientific and academic studies in this field, in search of the truths about people and behaviour, are often confined by the limits of demographic and context. Studies can be inaccurate and the need for specifics often results in nothing more than calculated guesswork, and worse, broad generalisations.

Speaking Fear (Glossophobia) can generalise into other life and work contexts too, like the fear of having a heart-to-heart with your partner or spouse; of course, there's the good 'ole job interview, perhaps an evening of stand-up comedy where the comedian singles you out of the audience to ridicule and answer one of his ‘hilarious’ questions and to be his performer; wedding announcements, Christmas and office parties, wider social contexts where a calm assertion is needed.

Speaking Fear has no mercy.

It does not discriminate between gender, age, nationality, race or creed, yet any potential solution to overcome it must take into account all the above variables in order to have some kind of positive effect.

If you are one of those people (and there are a few), that does have a genuine fear of public speaking, and you are specifically considering the possibility of positive change, without all the ambiguity nonsense, then it’s probably worthwhile having a chat with someone who avoids all that waffle and gives you the tools to move on. 


***

I can do that. I can even make your speech feel like you are on a warm beach (bit of poetry there), so that you look forward to future events knowing 100% that 'life IS a speech', and it is, if only you allow it, and when you do, soon you will discover that you can create the exact same feelings of a nice warm beach whilst giving your life’s best speech.

Sorry, I’ve broken into some kind of weird gangster rap now!

Anyhow, we could go somewhere nice, warm, more comfortable or cool, on a journey in your mind, that suits your personality more appropriately and gives you those GOOD feelings in order to be very, very comfortable on any podium or stage, in the times when you need it most.

After all…they’re only thoughts…and feelings, aren’t they?

If you are genuinely struggling to get your butt off the fence, then I'd be more than happy to link up for a 'no obs' consultation herer: Speak to Jay.

This is how I do it: www.coachingaccelerator.com  
This is where I am: www.nlpnewcastle.com


Maybe you're life will transform. Maybe it won't. 



Maybe you're too far gone?


Until the next speech!

References
Social fears and social phobia in the USA: results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication.
Ruscio AM, Brown TA, Chiu WT, Sareen J, Stein MB, Kessler RC      

Psychol Med. 2008 Jan; 38(1):15-28





The economic burden of anxiety disorders in the 1990s.

Greenberg PE, Sisitsky T, Kessler RC, Finkelstein SN, Berndt ER, Davidson JR, Ballenger JC, Fyer AJ

J Clin Psychiatry. 1999 Jul; 60(7):427-35.



Social phobia in the general population: prevalence and sociodemographic profile.

Furmark T, Tillfors M, Everz P, Marteinsdottir I, Gefvert O, Fredrikson M

Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol. 1999 Aug; 34(8):416-24.



http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3647380/ (Courtesy of Dovepress) accessed: 1.09.15



Tuesday, 1 September 2015

SPEAKING FEAR # 1

The Four States of Stagnation:
Aversion, Constriction, Denial, and the 'uncomfortable' Comfort Zone


Is this you?   

Think about it. 

Sooo many people are uncomfortable with the art of public speaking, yet rarely do they learn how to face the music.

 Until their next speech.

You could say, so common with many fear conditions, that the sufferers choose to remain in a state of denial. Only concerned about managing their fear when a speech is looming or is imminent.

Speaking comfortably in a cool, calm, collected state, on the other hand, so is incredibly important.

It might be that a speech clinches you that dream job or the promotion you always wanted. It might be a speech that helps influence your family, your community...the world!

For some people a speech can  literally mean the difference between life and death.

According to Glenn Croston ph.D in his article dated 29th November 2012 in Psychology Today
, speaking anxiety is 'the thing we fear more than death', but few people consider doing anything about it.





Until their next speech.

So few people take action. 

Is it fear or laziness that sees some people choose to sit it out and let their state become a lifelong attachment that only gets worse over time?

Unwittingly these are the people who have allowed it to control their emotions and their careers, their personal life and success, because they specifically chose not move on, but rather remain in one or all of The Four States of Stagnation, that form the rather convenient mnemonic of A.C.D.C.


#1 Aversion 
This is the flight mode of the Fight or Flight Syndrome where mind's natural tendency is move to away from discomfort and danger to protect itself. We kid ourselves that it is waaay easier to to divert, distract,  and avoid.

Until the next speech.


#2 Comfort Zone  
This is a peculiar flight mode as well. Except we are not flying. Instead we live in hope that the thing we don't want (the perceived danger!) will magically fly away, totally of it's own accord. Trapped in a delusion of our 'uncomfortable' comfort zone, this is our choice.

In fact this place is deceptively uncomfortable and dangerous, for the longer we choose to stay in it, the bigger and more threatening the thing we are trying to avoid gets.We stay put. Comfort seems great, temporarily.

Until the next speech.

#3 Denial 
This is when we refuse to believe that anything is wrong. We are in denial of our emotional states, we refute the problem, denying it ever existed, and refuse to deal with it or take action. Ignorance creates a detachment illusion where we might find ourselves saying,  'Everything's fine.'

Until the next speech.


#4 Constriction 
Similar in nature to the emotional state of discomfort, this is less of an environmental factor and more of an internal emotional one which sits outside any fight or flight.

This is a Freeze response when our emotions, muscles and thoughts begin to contract, constrict. Literally we are frozen stiff like a Deer (U.S) or a Rabbit (U.K.) in the headlights, stuck in a state of inaction.

***

So, in summary, for all those who have seen the Disney children's movie that all young girls under the age of seven sing aloud to: 'Let it go...' Don't hold on to it anymore.

Furthermore, the state you need instead, way more than the one you have that is leaving you averting, constricting, denying and frozen, in eye of your uncomfortable comfort zone, is one of complete acceptance, serenity and peace, an expansiveness, full of warmth, in which you have a strong desire to reach out to any audience.

But if we don't have the bravery or the tools to create a positive change then, inevitably, we stay trapped in our stuckness searching for 
tools to access those states of deep comfort.

Seriously, most advice out there reads more like an academic report that reinforces everything that you already know is wrong with you but have no idea how to go about changing.

Usually this comes from a Doctor on a deadline or a research paper, blog, or article, presented from a highly psychological viewpoint that tells rather than shows how to deal with speaking fear, thus it never lends you any tools for healthy self-improvement.

I can help put your problem to bed once and for all.

Seriously.

Alternatively,  if you genuinely want to move on but are struggling to get your butt off the fence, then I'd be happy to link up for a 'no obs' chat: Free One Hour Consultation.

Maybe you're life will transform. Maybe it won't. Maybe you're too gone already.


Until the next speech!





References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-real-story-risk/201211/the-thing-we-fear-more-death  Glenn Croston ph.D. nov 29th 2012. Acccessed: 08/09/2015



Sunday, 19 January 2014

Positive Intentions in NLP

Below is an example of just one of my many everyday observations in which I am constantly seeking to unearth the underlying positive intentions I see displayed in the madcap behaviour of human being, including myself, on a day-to-day basis.


What's your Intention?

Here is my small gift to you, an insight into how the use of intentions is integral to almost everything in NLP.

For instance, there are around 15 presuppositions or operating beliefs of NLP which are a list of principles for best practice which state such things as, 'Each Individual Lives in their Own Unique Model of the World.'

One of the most controversial and powerful presuppositions is, 'Behind Every Behaviour is a Positive Intention.'

This confuses many NLP newbies and I have hear comments such as 'well, how do you find a positive intention in something as horrific as child abuse?' Good question. One thing you must understand though is: the behaviour is not the intention.

In fact, the person is not the behaviour they are presenting and in some case we might discover a Father who beats his son and says hypocritically, 'I only want you to do well, son,' or the jealous lover seeking sweet revenge, totally out of character, because the intention they seek is love.

We use intentions in such NLP techniques (patterns) as Parts Integration where we separate two visual representations on each hand of two conflicting parts of self; one a part of you that wants 'this' and the other part that sabotages your positive intention and wants to do 'that.'

As we continue to chunk up and ask 'what's the intention or positive intention' of that (behaviour) we arrive eventually arrive at place where the common intention of both parts is the same.

It's as if both parts were unconsciously seeking the same intention on a much higher level, whether this was deep peace, love, freedom, whatever, this is the stage when the hands representing the parts begin to unconsciously move together and release the resistance.

Another NLP pattern the N step Reframe uses intentions to explore the positive underlying meaning of an unwanted behaviour. One of the ways we do this after noting the behaviour is to ask  the unconscious to generate 'a minimum of three new behaviours to satisfy the positive intention.'

Let me highlight how we can misread intentions with a humorous example:

The other day I was walking along Newcastle's High Level Bridge when a man wearing tight lycra cycle shorts and a fluorescent top sped past me on a racing bike ironically puffing (as if his life depended on it) on a kingsize cigarette.

In the heat of the moment, I performed what is known in NLP as a negative Mind Read saying, 'what an idiot,' observing his paradox of fitness and fags. Then I remembered positive intentions. He was riding extremely fast. Headed in the direction of Newcastle Job Centre.

I thought: 'what if his intention was to get to the Job Centre as fast as humanly possible?

If it was, then with the careful streamlining of his lycra and the effects of increased heart rate from the nicotine, given his enthusiasm, he could well have broken all land speed records! 

After all, that is his choice, isn't it?

So the lesson here is that 'the behaviour we see may not always be' the underlying or positive intention.


That's all. 

www.nlpnewcastle.com





Thursday, 31 October 2013

NLP: What is it That You are still Absolutely Unclear of?

Okay, first post on my new blog.

The aim of this particular post is to generate healthy discussion with my students so that we can learn and develop through peer and trainer support.

We are moving onto days 4 & 5 on my 12 day NLP Practitioner course in Newcastle Upon Tyne and we've done a lot of productive calibration and rapport activities including perceptual positions.

Some of the people who are on my practitioner course attended my recent Introduction to NLP & Hypnosis course so theoretically they should have a fairly good grasp of the NLP fundamental skills that link into all other patterns.

But who knows?

People learn differently at different speeds with different styles.

The most important aspect, I believe, of any NLP practitioner course, and something I have first hand experience of is the dire need for the retention of core skills and key NLP patterns.

What I have found is that if your group have excellent calibration, verbal package language skills and rapport along with personal congruence then they will go a long way.

On the contrary, if their course is skimmed over, particularly over a seven day period, and these crucial points and patterns are not revisited then the "penny" simply does not drop and they may leave the course with a significant "wow" factor and faraway eyes, but not as practitioners.

They may be suffering from what I like to call the "Post-Traumatic-Fast-Track-Syndrome," NLP amnesia.

I'm looking for some stimulating contributions to this...particularly from my students... so here's the very first question in relation to NLP:



"WHAT IS IT YOU ARE STILL ABSOLUTELY UNCLEAR OF?"


I look forward to your responses.


Warm Regards,



Jay Arnott